April 6, 2016
Well let me get the update out of the way before I begin my reflection of the last couple of weeks…IUI #3 was a fail and I took it pretty hard this time because the timing was just fucking cruel (sorry for the language, but I am still angry) because my period started on April Fools Day….how ironic, right??? On top of it all I was two days late and we received a very nice financial blessing on Easter Sunday that we thought was the turning point in things going our way….we were wrong and I HATE being wrong….I’m still working on that part of myself.
Here is what I have learned and what my new goal is for myself….I have learned that the reason this hurts so much (and every month) is because I have specific expectations attached to all the steps we are taking and the investment we are making…I expect to be pregnant and carry a healthy baby (or two) so that Jon and I can have the family we have always wanted. So when my expectations are not matched (every fricken month) I allow all kinds of negative thoughts and emotions creep in that take over how I show up in my world and I feel MISERABLE. I hate feeling this way and want the cycle to stop….so what should I do, you ask? Well the answer is pretty simple however the implementation of it I will need help from my life coach (who I am sure will be happy to help me)…the answer is CHANGE MY EXPECTATIONS and set the intention with every cycle to set an expectation that I can achieve. You see, getting pregnant whether you have infertility issues or not, is not 100% within your control….yet we believe that it is, we are even socialized to believe that it is within our control completely….which is TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!!! God always has the final say and His timeline may not be mine and my plan may not be His….this can be difficult to swallow (it is for me) but I am making my life more difficult by creating an expectation every month that may not come true no matter what I do.
This is true for many of my clients, I’m sure and as a coach I often ask empowering questions around what my client has control over and what they do not…understanding where your power lies and where it is only influence is valuable in learning how to navigate goals and dreams in your life.
I will keep you posted on how this approach goes for me and what I learn from my coaching sessions around it…
Baby Dust and Love,
Sarah