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January 9, 2016

Hi everyone!  Now I realize the title of this particular entry sounds a bit harsh, but let me clue all of you who may not know this already….for those of us who battle with infertility, patience is always the name of the game and frankly, it sucks because it feels like ALL WE DO is WAIT!!!!  Let me explain what we are waiting on right now…

After Jon and I discovered the causes of our lack of success with conception, the plan developed by our RE is that we would try 4-5 rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination) with the fertility drug Clomid and a ‘trigger shot’ of HCG 36 hours before the procedure, before moving onto the last option for biological children…IVF.  IVF is the most expensive, even when you have insurance, we haven’t decided what we do at that point…we will cross that bridge if we come to it.

The advantages of IUI are that it is typically more reasonable in cost, the sperm are ‘washed’ about 1.5 hours before the procedure (don’t ask Jon about the process for them to collect his swimmers, lol), the wash just means that as many good sperm as they can collect are separated from the seminal fluid and placed in small tube that connects to a catheter.  This catheter is inserted past the vagina and cervix and placed directly into the uterus where all of Jon’s little guys are released into and have the best chance for survival and meeting with one of my eggs.  Ovulation is timed exactly with that HCG trigger shot I mentioned before (pretty much like everything else in the world of infertility treatments).

So, we did this for the first time on December 30, the day before Jon’s 40th birthday, and I am currently winding down my two week wait where in two weeks from the IUI exactly, I have my blood drawn so they can see if I am pregnant.  So, two weeks isn’t very long, right?  It’s Christmas vacation from school and that always flew by, so this should too, right????  WRONG……hence, the title of this entry.  These two weeks are HELL….for those of you have not been there, let me explain.

While you are laying there in the room for the ten minutes after the procedure letting your thoughts wander or praying (I did both) you also wonder how on earth you will get through the next 14 days and what can you expect.  Well, for those of you who have been trying to conceive for awhile, you can probably recite the signs & symptoms of pregnancy backwards while standing on your head…I can….and I have been experiencing several of them for about the last 4-5 days.  Here is the kicker, part of the IUI process is that every night I have to put these Progesterone suppositories in vaginally (TMI, I know) because Progesterone is a hormone that helps the uterine lining thicken for implantation, it ALSO can cause side effects IDENTICAL to the signs and symptoms of pregnancy.  So, being that you are already consumed with paying attention to ANY change in your body because you are hoping it means you are pregnant, it is not fair that you don’t know for sure if the cause is pregnancy or progesterone.  I really feel right now that there is something going on with my body that is different, so a large part of me is choosing to believe that this worked and our long wait to be parents is soon to be over….BUT, there is also that part of me that is afraid to completely believe it because I have never been pregnant before.  I will update after I get the results later on the 13th.

January 7, 2016

My name is Sarah Payne, my husband Jon and I have been happily married since October 5, 2013 and we are blessed with three fur babies, 2 miniature Schnauzers (Harley and Nina, both girls) and our boy cat (Sam).  We have always wanted children and because we knew we were ready emotionally and financially, we got the ball rolling right after we were married. After about a year of trying (and having fun trying!) I began to worry there may be something wrong so I started being more proactive with the process, charting my cycles, temperature, OPKs (ovulation prediction kit) and the dreaded HPTs(home pregnancy test).  From everything I could tell, everything was fine….but I didn’t really know as much as I thought at the time.  I always thought you just did the deed (DTD) at the right time and BAM, pregnant…..little did I know ?

The second year of ttc, was probably the most difficult (to this point) because I felt incredibly alone and frustrated….and afraid….afraid there was something wrong with us and afraid to find out.  Every month I would get the dreaded Aunt Flo (AF, the heinous bitch from hell) I would emotionally fall apart inside, but put a happy face on for everyone else because I was already getting questions from family and friends about “So when are you guys gonna have kids?”  There were many times it took every ounce of self control to not scream or break down in tears when asked that question AND anyone who knows me knows I’m not good at hiding my feelings.  My dear husband who is my best friend and biggest fan, struggles with knowing what to say or do when I’m really down.  Most men are ‘fixers’ and my Jon is definitely that guy, which in this case is tough for him because he didn’t know how to fix this, other than for us to keep trying (go figure…more sex, that’s the answer!).

Right before our 2 year anniversary, I had my annual trip to the OBGYN and I asked about our struggles and what we should do…Long story short, blood work showed I have hypothyroid (which explained a few things for me) and we were referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) for more testing…this process was a blessing, emotional, frightening and hopeful all at the same time.  We are now taking the steps toward hopefully, successfully conceiving our first child. I will get more into this in later entries.

I will continue to document this process, so please come along with me for the ride!  Infertility affects approximately 1 in 8 couples and before Jon and I became that 1 in 8 couple, I had NO IDEA how common this was because no one talks about it and those who do conceive using fertility treatments don’t usually tell people how they were able to bring home their bundle of joy that so many of us would give anything to have.