Month: February 2016

February 10, 2016

Hi all!  So after a great weekend with my sister in law in town for a visit, I went back to see my RE doctor today because I started my period so I needed to find out if that cyst on my ovary went away so we can be in the clear for a medicated IUI this month.  I honestly was not as disappointed this time around of not being pregnant and I am not sure exactly what it is that the reason for that, but maybe I am just tired of getting upset every single month.  I was disappointed, don’t get me wrong, but I wasn’t devastated like I usually am for at least a day.  Maybe it’s because I am exercising daily, praying daily and focusing on my business and finishing my certification….maybe I am just tired of feeling sorry for myself…lol!

So, back to the doctor appointment…NO CYST!!!!  So, we get to try again this month with a medicated IUI cycle and I am relieved.  Also, to boot, I had 14 follicles this month which is more than I have had before!!!  I have usually had 11 at the most which is less than what is ideal, but enough to work with before.  The ideal amount (per my doctor) is 12-20, so I am really excited about having 14!

On a more somber note, Jon is still having some anxiety around our future, being 40, wanting to spend more time with our family and feeling like we are not where we should be in life.  I can honestly say this is one of the hardest things I have experienced with him because he is so unhappy and it is really hard for me to understand some of why he feels the way he does (some things I do because we don’t have any children of our own and we are struggling with that) and I can’t fix it for him or snap him out of it to see all the things we have to be grateful for.  That is the hardest part for me….I hate seeing the most important person in my life struggling so much….pray, pray and pray some more, is all I can do.

Peace and love to all of you…

Sarah

 

February 3, 2016

Hey all!  So for the last two days while I walk the dogs, I have been listening to this really great infertility summit hosted by the dynamic and amazing Renee Waggener, fellow Life Coach and trained at iPEC, like me.  I have listened to two topics the first on creating Miracles within yourself through your mindset, the second on the spirit of your baby.  Today’s topic was “Baby Spirit and Calling in the Soul That was Meant for You,” which I have to admit I was skeptical of what the content of this would be, however, I followed my intuition and was so grateful I listened in.

The basic concept is that when you decide that you want a baby, you are already a parent even without a physical child that you have carried in your womb.  So, if you are already a parent, what are you doing on a daily basis to get in the way of that baby becoming a tangible entity for you?  We are first parents to ourselves and if there are ways that we are not parenting ourselves in a way that we expect to parent that baby we want so desperately, then we can pass on those unresolved issues to our child…and even further, maybe those issues aren’t allowing the baby to happen.  WOW, did this ever hit home for me!!!!

What does being a mother mean to me and how am I being that idealistic mother to myself?  What hurts do I have that I have not completely healed that are blocking me from receiving the spirit of my baby in physical form?  I now have a new focus for myself and I know that getting in touch with this further is going to require more meditation and prayer which will get me out of my head (where I spend a lot of my time) and in touch with the deeper parts of my soul.  I am excited to work on this more because I used to enjoy meditation when I would do it with clients when I was counselor.

On another note, I am wrapping up the last things required for my certification from iPEC as a Certified Professional Coach and my Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner certification and I have about a month’s worth left of work to do, but the end is in sight!!!  I have chosen women going through infertility as my clients who I will serve.  I am so excited to partner with other women on this journey as their coach and help them create the experiences they want for themselves regardless of how “baby” shows up for them.

It has been so beneficial to me to balance my life with other  while trying to have a child with the struggle of infertility, because I was getting so obsessed with getting pregnant I couldn’t enjoy anything in my life as long as I have been focused on that.  My own work continues with this but I am no different than anyone else, I still have many moments of feeling angry, sorry for myself and scared sh*tless that I will never carry a child of my own.  This is why I feel so compelled to be a coach for women going on this journey too.  No matter what the outcome, the journey is where we learn who we are, what we want and what is most important.

Love and peace to you all…

Sarah

 

January 31st, 2016

Well, it’s been awhile since I last posted in here and I apologize for being so quiet (believe me it is NOT the norm for me) however, life has been up and down since the new year and I have recently got my equilibrium back so I am getting back into the swing of things.

So, I went to Seattle for my last 3 day training for my coaching certification and it was a phenomenal experience, so much so that Jon noticed the shift in my attitude and energy just by talking to me on the phone while I was there (shout out to any of my iPEC coaches reading this post) so I came home feeling refreshed and focused, ready to get to work on every aspect of my life.  That first week after training, I was so physically tired and couldn’t understand why other than I believe when there is a dramatic shift in one’s energy the body may be late on catching up to it.  However, I began making some serious adjustments to my daily routine that match my energetic focus which is my health, my coaching business and my infertility journey.

First change was that I got back into my routine of walking my dogs every day and we are up to a 3 mile route.  This was huge for me because from May to October I had been taking them on a 1.5-2 mile walk 6 days a week, not only for their benefit but for me to hopefully lose some weight.  I also changed my diet in this time to be organic, limited complex carbs, lean meats, fruits and veggies…and I didn’t lose one single pound in five months (I was so PISSED, to say the least).  Now in August I learned that I had hypothyroid, which I was put on medication for and in October my level was normal again…BUT, no weight loss!!! I was so frustrated that I gave up on it and did not take my dogs out walking again until the middle of January, I did stick to my diet with the exception of the holidays (everyone gets a pass for Thanksgiving, their birthday, Christmas and New Years, right???) and I keep taking my thyroid medication, so when I weighed myself in mid January no change in my weight AT ALL!!!!  I didn’t know whether to be happy or dumbstruck by this because it seems my body is stuck at a certain weight and refuses to budge…GRRRRR!!!!!  So now with walking 3 miles per day with the pooches (believe me they love it and even though they are small dogs, it doesn’t phase them to walk that far at a brisk pace) I have also added the My Fitness Pal app to my phone and am tracking my food intake, eating the same kinds of foods I have been.  I basically have cut bread, pasta, processed anything and sugar from my diet and I am doing really good with it. Fingers crossed, this time I get results.

The other change I have made is my focus on building my coaching business.  I have quite a bit of work to complete to get my CPC certification but I am making a concerted effort every day to get that checklist of things completed.  I probably won’t be completely done until March, but meanwhile I am updating my website, putting together a workshop and newsletter for all of my potential clients grappling with this journey of infertility.

The last change I have made is that I am working on waking up everyday and having an attitude of gratitude and thinking positive thoughts throughout the day, along with more prayer and reading of Scripture to strengthen my resolve with the two MAJOR unknowns about my life right now…whether I will ever bear a child and where Jon and I are supposed to live and put down roots.  Jon has really been struggling with the latter and I the former, lately.  We are living in limbo right now and I am REALLY having a hard time with it.  I am a planner and doer, so limbo and I do not get along.  THIS is why I pray every day and am working on a daily positive attitude.  It is really hard but I try to take it one day at a time…meanwhile, we are making plans for our trip home in May when my niece is born….well, scratch that…we aren’t making travel plans as much as I am trying to prepare myself for holding a newborn while I am potentially not pregnant.  That should be a test of my energetic resolve and my faith (sigh) but a baby is always a blessing, no matter the circumstance (my personal belief) so I will try to keep it together and enjoy my family welcoming the newest member of the Payne family.